The Dos and Don'ts of a Dinner Party
Considering hosting a dinner party? Here are nine tips from GTC contributor Mary Margaret White on how to (and how not to) tackle formal entertaining.
1. Do choose a singular inspiration for the party and let that be your guide.
When my mother died, I called on the women in our playdate group to please come help me sort through her things. My mother’s greatest joy was being a host, and she had the serving pieces to prove it: multiple sets of china, dozens of platters, more barware than one could count, and yards upon yards of table linens, napkins, and doilies. Doilies for days.
On this particular day, most of the women had been assigned to the bedroom closets to pack Mama’s clothes, a task I simply could not bring myself to face. My friend, Claire, however, found herself in the laundry room on a stepladder. High above the washing machine, she discovered yet another trove of water goblets and wine glasses. We laughed and groaned at yet more glass to sort, and all stood befuddled when Claire pulled down a very curious set of twelve…brandy snifters? Bud vases? Soup bowls? For the life of us all, we could not figure out what these delicate glasses, each with a small carafe that fit neatly on the rim, could be used for.
I painstakingly wrapped each, taking care to separate the cup from the carafe, and labeled the box “odd glassware.” Months later, as I gradually unpacked boxes from Mama’s house to find a new home for her things in my own already crowded cabinets, it dawned on me that the curious barware from high above the washer was not barware at all; it was a set of individual shrimp cocktail serving pieces.
That was the moment I decided to have a dinner party.
2. Don’t invite guests before counting the number of seats at your dining table.
I decided right away that I would invite the same women who helped me discover the shrimp cocktail glasses to my first dinner party. So without hesitation, I invited five women and their spouses to a “Valentine’s Day Date Night Dinner Party.” Including myself and my husband Barry, it made for the perfect twelve-person event. Thanks to Mama, I had sets of twelve in everything we needed. Except for room at the table.
You see, in addition to inheriting the shrimp cocktail glasses, I also inherited my mother’s dining table. And while I certainly had the three additional leaves to make room for twelve, I quite literally didn’t have the square footage. My husband and I considered dividing the group and seating six in the dining room and six in the breakfast room, but that didn’t sound nearly as fun as everyone gathered together. Ultimately, we rearranged the breakfast room furniture and got out the table saw. With some careful measuring and a quick run of plywood through the noisy machine, we managed to extend our breakfast table to seat, snuggly, twelve adults. No one was wiser for the wear as, of course, Mama had the perfect tablecloth to make the setting seamless.
3. Do make lists.
You’ll need a list for the menu and groceries, one for decorations and table setting, one for housekeeping, and another for beverages. I divided my grocery list according to where I intended to buy certain ingredients. For example, I knew I needed to go to Costco for strawberries and asparagus, but the rice I like is sold at Whole Foods. In addition to lists, I also highly recommend thinking through the timeline of the week leading up to your party. Try to prep as much as you can in the two-three days leading up to the party so that on the day of, you can have fun setting your table (or sawing a new one), arranging flowers, putting the final touches on all of your hard work, and last but not least, giving yourself enough time to shower and dry your hair. The primary lesson here is that you cannot do it all in one day, so be honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to time management and plan accordingly.
4. Don’t attempt all new recipes.
Recipe research for the dinner party was one of the most fun aspects of planning, and it helped me think through what was feasible to cook the day of and what could be prepared ahead of time. I perused different methods for preparing the shrimp cocktail appetizer and pulled out each of my vintage community cookbooks to try and find an entree that would stay true to the 1970s vibe of our first course. I considered attempting beef wellington, but it sounded complicated and expensive, and I ultimately landed on a dish that I often make at home: sheet pan chicken cordon bleu. Thanks to a pro tip from my fellow GTC writer, Maggie Lyon, I elevated the cordon bleu with a new recipe for garlicky dijon aioli and topped it with fresh, minced herbs. Sticking with a dish that I know people enjoy and that I’m confident in preparing gave me a lot of peace of mind when it came down to putting things in the oven.
5. Do give your guests some friendly instruction.
Dinner parties are rare in this day and age, and eating formally in someone’s home is quite different from going out to a nice restaurant. Help everyone feel comfortable by giving them a bit of friendly instruction. Tell people where you’d like them to put their purses and coats (i.e., not on the counter space that you need for cooking!), or point them to a designated space where you’d like people to pour wine or mix cocktails. I made a seating chart and put place cards at each table setting, separating couples to encourage conversation.
At our Valentine’s dinner party, I arranged the main course on the dining room table buffet-style while everyone chatted and had a pre-dinner beverage. I served the shrimp cocktail tableside, and once we were done with the first course, I invited everyone to grab their plates and help themselves. But I failed to tell them where. A line formed at the empty stove from which we usually serve supper. After a good laugh, guests found their way to the food in the dining room and fixed their plates.
6. Don’t spend more money than you need to.
It is very tempting to buy all new placemats or splurge on expensive flowers when planning a dinner party. None of this is necessary because all folks really care about is being together. Set a budget and try to stick to it. If you have money after purchasing all of your ingredients and groceries, then go crazy with new napkin rings and peonies.
7. Do give yourself a lot of grace.
It is more than likely that you don’t have a personal staff and that all of the planning, cooking, and cleaning will fall squarely on your shoulders. It is perfectly fine if the cake falls in the middle or if you never get around to crafting that specialty cocktail that you had in mind for the evening. Think about what you most enjoy about hosting (decorating your table or preparing a special dish) and what you don’t (making desserts or cleaning your house). In my case, baking isn’t my passion. Next time, I’ll take up an offer from a guest to bring a dessert or simply budget extra money to buy a nice cake.
8. Don’t wait to do the dishes.
I cannot understate the number of dishes that will be awaiting you at the end of the evening. Do not get overwhelmed! Think of the dirty plates and wine glasses as a symbol of your hosting success. I also find that it is much easier to push through cleaning when you are still high on endorphins from a fun night with friends than it is the next morning when you are tired and facing the chore of putting everything back where it belongs.
9. Do host a dinner party at least once, and then you never have to do it again.
When I was a young bride, I envisioned myself hosting dinner parties with all of the beautiful things we were gifted. Certainly, I’ve hosted my share of cookouts, holiday gatherings, and birthday parties and made good use of many of the lovely items from our registry. But I have never used them all at once as we did for the Valentine’s Day Date Night Dinner Party. My desire to host a formal dinner party has officially been satisfied…and it’s quite possible I may never do it again.
