That Cheese Thing

When I’m invited to someone’s house here in Minnesota, they often ask if I’ll bring “that cheese thing.” The Minnesotans don’t even know what pimiento cheese is, but after they try it, the vast majority can’t get enough.

But since they didn’t grow up with it, they also can’t really appreciate the nuances of different styles of pimiento cheese available. Mine has no cream cheese. I have nothing against cream cheese generally, but I want more flavor and adding cream cheese to anything tends to dull the flavors of the other ingredients in a recipe. To get “that cheese thing” creamy and break down the shreds of the cheese, I grate my own cheese (in the food processor; I’m not a masochist) then beat it with other ingredients in the stand mixer until it’s a spreadable delight.

I like pimiento cheese that’s high in acid to cut through the fattiness of the cheese and mayo, and I like bright and smoky heat so that’s why there are jalapeños as well as cayenne and smoked paprika. If you don’t want it quite so tart, add the lemon juice a little at a time until you’re happy with the balance of the acid. And if you can’t take the heat, leave out the cayenne or jalapeños, or both. Also, if you’ve got vegetarians to consider, swap out the Worcestershire for 1 teaspoon reduced-sodium soy sauce and leave out the salt. Play around with it and make it your own.

The Minnesotans like it with Ritz crackers. That’s fine but I like Wheat Thins, as the cracker is just a vehicle for that sweet, sweet “cheese thing.”

Pimiento Cheese

Makes about 5 cups

Ingredients

1 lb grated extra-sharp cheddar cheese*
4 oz grated Colby cheese
1 cup mayonnaise
2 TB lemon juice
1 TB Dijon mustard
1 TB Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp smoked paprika
1/4 tsp salt
1 (4 oz) jar diced pimientos, drained
3 green onions, finely chopped
2 TB chopped pickled jalapeños or other hot pickled peppers, such as pepperoncini
1 TB juice from pickled peppers

Combine cheeses, mayonnaise, lemon juice, mustard, Worcestershire sauce, cayenne, paprika and salt in a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Beat mixture on low until thoroughly combined. Increase speed to medium and beat 5-7 minutes, until mixture becomes creamy.

Add pimientos, green onions, jalapeños and their juice. Beat mixture on low just until combined.

*Technically you can use whatever cheese you’d like. As previously mentioned, some heathens even add cream cheese. But I like a mixture of mostly extra sharp cheddar for flavor, plus some colby to add a little soft meltiness. Grate your own cheese. It’s better. Wood is often an ingredient in pre-shredded cheese. Google it if you don’t believe me.