Randy Balls: A Meatless Wonder
Ground walnuts. Pulverized Saltines. Eggs. Cheese. Onion. Those ingredients should not combine into the wonder that they do: a delicious, meatless ball that stands on its own in a competition against beef and pork.
I got the recipe from my friend Erin. She made them for her husband Randy’s birthday with a recipe she got from Randy’s mother Loretta. When she offered me the plate, her eyes were alight. She knew I would love them. I did. And she knew the ingredients would befuddle me. They did.
I made them, following the exact instructions and served them as an appetizer to some friends who had the same reaction as I. But then, I noticed that when my guests fixed their dinner plate, they threw on a couple of the balls and added them as a side.
But these aren’t just a novel appetizer. They’ve got heft and great texture. I had to wonder: would they stand up to a marinara and pasta?
I Googled the ingredients to see if anyone else out there had a similar recipe. It looked as if “Walnut Balls” had been a popular recipe back in 2009. The ingredients were similar with the only real difference in the amount of egg/egg whites being used. And, alas, someone had commented how great they were with spaghetti and marinara.
So, I made them again, this time for pasta. I made my basic San Marzano and onion tomato sauce, but I did not add the balls to the sauce, nor did I baste the balls halfway through baking with the marinara, as I had done the first time I made them with the sweet and sour glaze. They were nice and crispy, great flavor, and stood up with the marinara. My friends loved them and said it was definitely worth repeating.
These balls deserve a better name than “Walnut Balls.” My friend Randy was central to my discovery – his birthday party, his mother’s recipe, his wife made them. And the adjective “randy” describes them perfectly. They are definitely frisky. Therefore, as Queen of the Corkscrew, I hereby dub these “Randy Balls.”
Enjoy.
Randy Balls
1 ¼ cups cracker crumbs (Saltines, about a sleeve)
¾ cup walnuts, ground (buy chopped and crush them)
¾ cup grated cheese (your choice – cheddar is good)
1 sweet onion, small, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, pressed (or equivalent garlic powder)
4 eggs
½ tsp salt
1 ½ tsp sage
3 TB minced parsley
Sweet and Sour Glaze
¼ cup vegetable oil
¼ cup lemon juice
Zest of one lemon
¾ cup apricot or apricot/pineapple jam
½ cup ketchup
2 TB brown sugar
2 TB onion, grated
½ tsp salt
½ tsp oregano
Dash of hot sauce and/or a pinch of red pepper
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cover a cookie sheet in foil and spray with cooking oil.
For the balls, double bag a sleeve of Saltines and beat the hell out of them with a rolling pin. Then, double bag a little over a cup of walnuts and beat the hell out of them. Measure those and all of the rest of the ingredients, except the eggs, into a mixing bowl.
Whisk the eggs then mix them into the dry ingredients. Let it all sit for a couple of minutes for the dry ingredients to absorb the egg. Form them into 10 – 14 balls about the size of a golf ball, and place them on the cookie sheet. The balls will seem loose, but they will hold together. Place in preheated oven for 20 minutes.
Mix all of the sauce ingredients in a sauce pan and bring to a boil then cut off heat.
Take the balls out of the oven after 20 minutes. Baste the balls with the glaze.
Return to the oven and cook an additional 15 – 20 minutes.
Remove from the oven and baste again. Enjoy!
Notes
You can substitute white vinegar for the lemon juice and zest.
Substitute Heinz chili sauce for the ketchup for a nice little kick.
The recipe calls for grated cheese, but shredded works fine, too.