Cheese Straws for Your Ennui — Grab the Corkscrew

It is not a bad thing to settle for the Little Way, not the big search for the big happiness but the sad little happiness of drinks and kisses, a good little car and a warm deep thigh.
—Walker Percy, The Moviegoer

Y’all, is it just me, or is this January an even bigger bummer than usual? It’s never super fun. I live in Minneapolis, and the magic and glittery glow of the holidays fades to snow that gets grey on the edges from car exhaust, and all that’s left is a cold austerity after we’ve spent all the money and eaten all the good cheese. But most years, January also feels filled with opportunities and fresh starts, maybe new approaches to eating well or breaks from alcohol. Not this year.

The virus, the distance learning, the political unrest in a country I was taught to believe was better than that, “exceptional,” if you will, the literal and figurative isolation ... has all led to the kind of general feeling of malaise that Walker Percy waxes on about in The Moviegoer. It’s this feeling that’s not exactly collective depression, but it’s something similar, and you can see it in the eyes of strangers, despite their masks, as you pass in the grocery store. The opposite of smiling with your eyes. It’s hard to have big goals right now.

So I’m not giving anything up this year. I’m not starting a new exercise routine, or learning a new language, or trying to improve myself in any super optimistic way. I did consider doing dry January, as I’ve done a few times in the past. I even ordered some of that Seedlip “botanical” not-gin, but then I found out it wouldn’t arrive till the end of the month, so maybe dry February is the way to go this year. It’s the shortest month, so it’s probably a more realistic goal anyway.

What I am doing, though, is treating myself to the spendy cheese and the fancy Prosecco-topped cocktails that usually stay firmly-planted in November and December. Why not? I’m less interested in improving myself this year and more interested in improving my attitude, and maybe some of my favorite recipes, too, even if it’s not “the right time of year” for them. Every day can be a celebration if you’re up for it. If the mind makes its own prisons, it can make its own parties, too, right? So in that spirit, I’m going to mix up a French 75 and make some sinfully decadent and truly delicious cheese straws, one of my favorite holiday snacks, for no reason at all, and for my ennui.

Over the holidays, I stumbled upon this recipe for press-free cheese straws, and I was intrigued. They were rolled and twisted into twee little twists that looked at least as adorable as the pressed version I grew up with. Plus … no extra specialty tool? No aggravation of my burgeoning carpal tunnel syndrome? Worth a try!

And it was fine. But. I thought the lack of texture and browning on top was a little disappointing. What could help? Different cheese? Addition of a sugary element to aid in caramelization? A little umami to add depth? Actual depth in the form of forking the dough instead of just twisting? I decided to find the answer and try all the options. I started with the ’Times recipe, but I feel like I’ve made it my own.

Cheddar Cheese Straws

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 TB packed brown sugar
1 TB soy sauce
1/2 tsp salt
8 oz. shredded* sharp Cheddar cheese
4 oz. (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened

Instructions

Heat oven to 350ºF. Line 2 half-sheet pans with parchment paper.

In the bowl of a food processor fitted with the blade attachment, pulse flour, sugar, soy sauce, and salt. Add cheese and butter and pulse until the mixture comes together.

Transfer dough to a large piece of plastic wrap or parchment paper and use wrap or paper to shape into a cylinder. Rest 15 minutes. Divide into 5 pieces. Divide each piece into 12 pieces, then roll each piece into a ball.

To make twists, roll balls into 8-inch lengths, fold in half and twist, and place on parchment-lined pans. For forked straws (spoiler alert - this is the winning technique!), roll balls into 3-inch lengths, then spray fork with cooking spray and press into the dough on the bias, moving back and forth down each piece of dough to make hash marks on each piece. To make crisps, combine 4 pieces of the dough, roll out into a thin (1/4-inch thick) sheet, and cut into 4 thin strips. Repeat with remaining dough, or freeze for later use.

Bake 8 to 11 minutes, until browned on the bottom.

*Grate your own cheese. To prevent caking, pre-shredded cheese often includes cellulose, which is essentially wood pulp. You’re using the food processor anyway. Take the time to use that other attachment and grate your own cheese. It’s totally worth it.

Here are the other flavors I tried:

Gruyere Pepper Thyme Cheese Straws

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 TB Dijon mustard
1 TB fresh thyme leaves
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
8 oz. shredded Gruyere cheese
4 oz. (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened

Thoughts: This one was a little dry. Great flavor, but maybe drizzle a little water into the dough until it’s soft and makes a nice ball. Loved the combination of mustard, pepper, thyme, and Gruyere, though.

Harissa Goat Cheese Straws

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 TB harissa
1 TB honey
1 tsp salt
8 oz. softened goat cheese
4 oz. (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened

Thoughts: Super soft. Great taste, but to get enough harissa flavor to come through, it took a lot of harissa, which added excess liquid. I love the flavor combo, but it would be cool to try a drier heat (maybe 1 tablespoon of Thai red curry paste?) to achieve the same goal with less liquid.

Blue Cheese Straws

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 TB honey
1 tsp salt
8 oz. softened blue cheese
4 oz. (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened

Thoughts: Also quite soft, but still delicious. The color is a little grey compared to the others but super yummy.

Honestly, my take on the OG Cheddar straws was my favorite. Often in recipe testing, you learn you shouldn’t mess with the best. In all four tests, with firmer and softer doughs, I loved the “forked” straws. The increased surface area adds a ton of texture and creates more color and flavor on the cheese straws, mimicking the eating experience of traditional pressed cheese straws.

Whatever flavor profile you prefer, I hope all of these delightful little bites inspire you to enjoy the good times – and the good bites – as they get us through this less-than-stellar time. Cheers to in-person toasts in the future!